Do you think that frightening your child into obeying you is a good way to educate him? In Guiainfantil.com we answer this question. Educating children by provoking fear or threatening them is a resource that despite being ineffective is frequently used to make the child obey and behave as their parents wish.
Here are some of the threats that are most frequently used so that the child ends up obeying what is ordered:
- "If you don't stop behaving badly, the police will come and take you to jail."
- "If you don't put your shoes on, you're going to get sick and the doctor is going to give you an injection."
- "The Magi are watching you, so either you behave or they will bring you coal."
- "If you don't sleep, the bogeyman will come and take you with him."
- "As long as you continue behaving like this, I'm going to love your little brother more than you."
- "If you don't stop doing that, I'll tell your father / mother when I get home and you'll find out."
Are these expressions familiar to you? Have you ever used them? Surely yes, however, is an ineffective strategy if our goal is to stop children from engaging in inappropriate behaviors and learn and incorporate appropriate behaviors into their repertoire.
Parenting is perhaps the most exhausting and difficult job a person can face. It is a job that occupies you 24 hours a day, there are no vacations, there are no days off, it is an unpaid job and it also implies a high level of commitment and responsibility. Being parents is very difficult! Hence It is normal that many times mistakes are made in the education and raising of children But if we didn't make mistakes as parents we couldn't learn from them either.
Normally, in addition to being a father or mother, we have other responsibilities that prevent us from dedicating ourselves exclusively to the care of children and this sometimes makes us feel saturated and we do not always act in the most appropriate way.
- Children become distrustful, fearful and insecure. We want safe and happy children! Educating from fear or threat will make children acquire unnecessary fears (doctors, policemen, the bogeyman, the bogeyman, etc.) and will influence their self-concept, self-esteem and the way they function and interact with the people of their own environment.
- It only works in the short term. If we threaten or frighten a child, the child will immediately stop engaging in the inappropriate behavior. But, no learning occurs. The child does not learn other alternative behaviors, so in the medium or long term it is an ineffective strategy and, therefore, inappropriate behaviors will reoccur in the next few days.
- Limits are necessary, frightening our son is not. Limits are essential because otherwise coexistence would not be possible and it is necessary to guide children on what limits they should not cross so that they can freely explore and enjoy the world that surrounds them safely.
- The child only behaves well for fear of the consequences. It is important that the child is clear about how he should behave and what is expected of him regardless of the consequences. There are children who, for fear that the Magi will not bring them a gift, have a good behavior. However, children must have internalized how they should behave and why they should do so, in short, be able to self-regulate without needing an external threat. You have to explain to them and help them understand why it is not appropriate for them to perform certain types of behaviors and in no case frighten them!
It is an undeniable fact that children need limits to feel safe and happy. The same thing happens to adults too, when we are driving on the road it provides us with a lot of security and tranquility to observe that there are traffic signs that tell us how fast we have to go, when we should stop, when we can continue freely, etc. Traffic signs make us feel relaxed and allow us to circulate safely and without fear.
The same thing happens to children with limits! Setting clear limits for children helps them to be relaxed and to move around the world with confidence and assertiveness.
"The best way to make children good is to make them happy." Oscar Wilde.
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