"I have educated my children equally but each one has come out in a different way", is a phrase that I have heard on occasions from a mother excusing herself because one of her children was more rebellious, undisciplined or showed aggressiveness with other children. However, I have always thought that we do not educate children equally.
Perhaps we maintain the same philosophy or general rules, but we ask, demand or treat each of our children differently, it is irremediable. This means that, at times, older siblings have more responsibilities and are more disciplined and the younger ones are more rebellious, restless, naughty or disobedient.
Researchers say birth order matters and influences the development of the child's personality, is the theory of order, which has been described by countless psychologists since the last century. And it is that parents have different roles with each of our children:
- With the first We are newbies, everything is new, it receives all our attention, sometimes overprotection, pampering, caring, fears, mistakes ... We are also more demanding with the first, more firm and strict.
- With the second and successive we relax, we already know that with a fever of 37.5º we don't have to go to the emergency room or that nothing happens if one falls in the park. We have more children and more work, so we continue to demand more from the first, while the second is "saved" from many rules and tasks.
This makes the second child:
- more rebellious: it is, after all, a way of drawing attention to his older brother who is his main rival. It is possible that he demands his own space and path in the family, which leads him to be more rebellious or to want to break the rules to fight against what has been established at home.
- most spoiled: they are considered the smallest for a longer time, while the oldest matures earlier to take on tasks of caring for their siblings. If he is also the last child, we parents put our desire that he does not grow up, because there will be no babies or small children at home anymore.
- less disciplined: It is possible that parents are stricter with the elder and demand more of him, so that the little one ends up making himself comfortable in an environment in which less is asked of him, therefore he also gives less.
- less compliant: And it is usually accepted that being the smallest, you can skip certain obligations.
In any case, and despite all the theories and books written on the order of birth, it is also true that it is a relation of probability not of cause-effect, as some psychologists say. That is to say, The fact of being the second child does not determine that he is more rebellious, undisciplined or disobedient, but rather increases the possibility of having this type of attitudes.
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