Emotional blackmail is not only used by children. Adults also resort to emotional blackmail relatively frequently without being practically aware of it in the vast majority of circumstances.
In many families, emotional blackmail is used as another tool to use to exercise control and domination over children during the parenting period. But, what a priori may seem like a harmless strategy, it is not. Emotional blackmail negatively influences the emotional well-being of children.
Resorting to emotional blackmail to make children behave in the way we want or consider appropriate is an absolutely inappropriate, toxic and detrimental strategy for the child's psychological strength.
If we use emotional blackmail, when we interact with our child, we are preventing him from developing healthy. As parents, we must take responsibility for raising happy, autonomous, responsible and emotionally independent children. And, the use of strategies such as emotional manipulation encourages children to grow up and become immature, insecure, dependent and emotionally unstable adults.
Definitely, the child perceives that the people to whom he is most emotionally attached threaten him, in a more or less subtle way, with punishing him in some way if he does not do what they want. We must avoid it!
Next, we detail those expressions, based on a type of erroneous communication, that we direct to our children without being aware that what we are doing is emotional blackmail:
- I do not love you anymore!
- Why don't you give me a hug? Don't you love me? Do you want me to cry?
- If you don't ask your brother for forgiveness, I'm not going to love you the same!
- You have to go to the grandparents' house or you will make them very sad!
"If you hadn't done that, Daddy and I wouldn't have fought!"
- I got sick from the disgust you gave me yesterday!
- Did you have a good time on your birthday? Haven't you missed me? I've been alone all afternoon.
- If you don't behave well, I'm going to tell everyone what happened the other day at home.
- Dad won't love you anymore if you misbehave again at school!
- When you don't eat your food, you make mom cry!
Anyway, these are just a few examples of how we use emotional blackmail in our daily lives to communicate with our children without realizing it.
If you find yourself resorting to emotional blackmail on occasion, don't worry, just change the way you communicate with them from now on.
“Our parents plant mental and emotional seeds in us, and those seeds grow with us. In some families, those seeds are of love, respect, and independence. But in many others, what is sown are seeds of fear, obligation or guilt ”. Susan Forward.
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