Pregnancy / Childbirth

I am 30 years old and I have no children. Do you know why?

We teach children how to speak, but we do not teach how to be silent. Too rarely do we say how powerful words are. How much can they hurt, how much can they change. Children who do not know about this, unfortunately, grow up into adults who say what saliva on their language will bring them. The effects can be unpleasant.

I am 30 years old and I have no children ...

"Not far from you or maybe just next to you lives a woman: he is 30 years old or older and has no children. Family, friends and random people keep asking: "Why don't you have children yet?" And quickly add: "It's time." Her reaction is a little different every day, but most often it is a forced polite smile, tension combined with restraint. He answers, "No, not yet." Sometimes there is a nervous grimace of the face, gestures showing frustration and embarrassment.

"You don't want to wait forever? You know the biological clock is ticking. The chances are smaller from year to year. See, trouble will start when you finally decide ... Let it not be too late "- teaching is experienced by a senior man, happy with his brilliance and the right choices. The wise man is leaving. The woman is still smiling and nodding, showing that she understands. When she is finally alone, she cries ...

She is crying because she was pregnant and had a miscarriage 4 times.

She is crying because she started trying for a child during the wedding night ... and that was five years ago.

She is crying because her husband was previously in a marriage with whom he already has children.

He cries because he desperately wants in vitro, but can't even afford the initial tests.

She is crying because she has done many in vitro tests and she still has no children.

She's crying because her best friend doesn't want to be a surrogate. "That would be too weird," he says.

She cries because her medicines are a contraindication for pregnancy.

She cries because the lack of children is the cause of the crisis in her marriage.

She cries because the doctor said that she is healthy, but deep down she knows that her health is a problem.

She cries because her husband blames herself and she can't listen to it ...

She is crying because all her sisters have children.

She is crying because one of her sisters doesn't even want to look at the children.

She is crying because her best friend is pregnant. She is crying because she was invited to another one for a baby shower.

She cries because her mother keeps asking, "Girl, what are you waiting for?"

She cries because her in-laws want to be grandparents.

She cries because her neighbor has twins and treats them very badly ...

He cries because he looks at 16-year-olds who "came up".

She is crying because she is a great aunt.

She is crying because she has already chosen her names.

He cries because he has an empty room in his home.

She is crying because there is empty space in her body.

He cries because he has so much to offer ...

He cries because he does not want to consciously agree to single parenthood ...

She's crying because she knows her man would be a great dad.

She cries because she knows she would be a great mother, but she is not.

Another woman lives somewhere else: 34 years old, five children. People say to her: "Five? Good God, I hope you are done. " And then they laugh with superiority ... because they find it funny. The woman also laughs, but not seriously, it is rather a laugh-shield. He quickly changes the subject, he knows that respect can not be forced. When she is alone, she cries ...

She cries because she is pregnant with six and feels pressured to hide her joy. Because how is it possible to enjoy "another trouble"?

She cries because she always wanted to have a large family and does not understand why it bothers people.

She is crying because she has no siblings and she felt deeply lonely like a child.

She is crying because her grandmother was 12 and she always wanted to be like her so much.

He cries because he cannot imagine life without his children, but people treat them as if they were a punishment.

He's crying because he doesn't want self pity.

She cries because people assume this is not what she wanted.

She cries because they assume she is simply irresponsible.

He cries because they think he has no say.

He cries because he feels misunderstood.

She cries because she is tired of defending her personal choices.

She is crying because she and her husband can easily support their family, but it doesn't matter.

She is crying because she is tired of "funny" comments.

She cries because she deals with her own affairs.

She is crying because she would like others to take care of hers.

She cries because sometimes she doubts and wonders if she should stop two children ago.

He cries because others are quick to criticize and slow to support.

She is crying because she is fed up with controlling her by her surroundings.

She is crying because her life is not for show.

She cries because so many people give opinions about her private life.

She is crying because all she wants is to live in peace.

There is also another woman: 40 years old, one child. People say to her: "Only one? You never wanted more? "I'm happy with my one," he says calmly. She practiced this answer more than she could count. So he speaks quite reliably. No one ever suspects that when she is alone, she cries ...

She is crying because her only pregnancy is a miracle.

She is crying because her son is still asking for brother or sister.

She's crying because she always wanted at least three.

She is crying because her second pregnancy had to be terminated to save her life.

She is crying because her doctor says that another pregnancy would be "high risk".

He cries because he fights for his only child's health.

She cries because sometimes one is more than two.

She's crying because her husband won't even let anyone think of another.

She cries because her husband died and she can't imagine having a child with another.

She is crying because her family thinks that one is enough.

He cries because professional matters mean that he cannot leave his job.

She cries because she feels selfish.

She cries because she still can't lose many extra kilos from her previous pregnancy ...

She cries because her postnatal depression was so deep that she is afraid of another.

He cries because he can't imagine reliving it. I feel too weak. He is afraid.

She is crying because she has problems with her body and pregnancy would only worsen her condition.

He's crying because he's still fighting bulimia.

She is crying because she wants another child, but she cannot have one.

These women are everywhere. They live next to us and suffer every day, facing the questions asked and reckless comments. They are our neighbors, friends, sisters, work colleagues and cousins. They don't need advice or opinions. Their wombs are their property. Let's respect it. "

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The original version appeared // arch

First of all, don't judge!

How often do we judge too quickly and completely unfairly? We look at others and know better. We feel smarter. Although we do not know anyone else's history, we like to pass sentences. It's like in this apple story. The girl is standing with two fruits in her hand. Mom asks her to share. Daughter gnaws one, then another apple. Mom looks disapprovingly, then her daughter hands an apple from her right hand, saying: "Mummy, eat it, this is sweeter."

Our human main sin is lack of humbleness, speaking too hastily what saliva will bring to our tongue. We assess lightness and confidence, instead of becoming silent and trying to understand. Instead of wondering if our words will hurt others.

A good example is also the second parable, which read more like this. Father, son and donkey wandered. Entering the first village, the son sat on a donkey, and the father walked by. People said: "what a soulless son, he sits comfortably on a donkey, and an elderly father has to go ...". The father, hearing what they were saying, got on the donkey and wandered on. In the next village they heard: "what a poor animal must bear on the back of a father and son, they should be ashamed." The father lowered his head and decided that he would ride alone and the son would lead a donkey. When they reached another village, people began to say: "look, look, poor child, father is sitting on a donkey like a king, and the son has to rip off his shoes ...". In the end, the resigned father decided that the donkey would go alone and they would lead him ... However, they did not come far, and they heard ironic screams: "What stupid people are going on foot, they are tired, they will not get on the donkey ..."

You don't need to sum up the story. People know better. They will find plenty of reasons to criticize someone. Is that right Usually not. What are the effects of their words? Most often sadness and often crying ....