Small child

The child does not want to share with others and falls into hysteria ...


Parents want it good for their children. This is beyond doubt. However, they often get lost in the recommendations they give. They simply deny themselves. Consequently, the children rebel because they face manifest injustice. Sharing is a hot spot in many situations. We want the child to be able to share and behave in a peer group. Therefore, when we have guests, please let the child share the toy, because you have to "be hospitable". There are a lot of toys, all of our child, and the little guest has nothing to play with ... However, when we reverse the situation and go to someone, we also often press that the child divide, give away his toys, because it seems to us that it is necessary ... The child rebels, hysteresis. What to do to avoid such situations? Does the child really have to share? Or maybe the fact that a child does not want to share with others is nothing wrong?

Problems with sharing? Developmental norm

It is the norm that small children don't like sharing. Rebellion and even hysteria because of this may appear in u children up to 5-6 birthdays. The toddler is not malicious, badly brought up, he is not heavy, he is just a small child who, in principle, has problems sharing.

The way of reacting to the situation depends on the individual characteristics of the child. One toddler who will not want to share, will loudly communicate all this, another will quietly withdraw, another will hide with the toy or hide the toy itself, yet another for "holy peace" will give the teddy bear away and will remain very unhappy until the end of the day .

The child does not want to share. He has the right to do so

The toddler plays with blocks. A friend comes to him. He's looking at the fun, but he doesn't have the courage to approach. You encourage the toddler to play with a friend, but the boy packs all the blocks into the box, leaves them and goes out to the other room without saying a word.

What to do in that case? It's worth saying: "I see that you want to play with something else. Fine. Now Kasia will play with blocks, and if you feel like joining her and play together. "

It's important not to force your child to play with their peers. Give him a chance to refuse and play alone. If the child decides that they no longer want to play, they have the right to do so. It is worth noting that the toddler left the toys for his friend himself and went to do something else.

The child abandons the toys, but still plays with them

Kasia plays with the doll, then leaves her on the floor and reaches for another one. Her younger sister comes and takes the doll from the floor, begins to play with her. The older sister gets angry because "she only left the doll for a moment, but she wants to play with it."

What to do in that case? Give Kasia a doll or leave it to young Julka? Take the doll to end the dispute?

This is not an easy decision, because each solution has pros and cons.

I think it would be wise to leave the toy to my younger daughter. In the future, it is worth trying to prevent such a situation by asking the child who "abandoned the toy" if he no longer plays with it, because if he leaves it in the middle of the room and begins to play with something else, a sister or brother can come and take a "abandoned" toy car . Of course, this does not guarantee that the child will not change his mind, but allows you to learn over time that leaving toys can end up with someone else playing with them.

A child willingly takes toys from another child, but does not want to share

Often, toddlers are happy to use the opportunity to play with their friend's blocks, but they do not want to share their own. What to do? It is best if we know that there is a problem with this, warn him by saying - "Michał wants to lend you an excavator. Maybe we'll lend him a truck instead. If you don't borrow your toys, I'm afraid Michał won't borrow his. "

The child pulls out toys

Very common situation in nurseries or kindergartens, in institutions where there are more children. Toddler sees how great his friend is playing, approaches and grabs the toy, recognizing that it should be his now. This is because a child often cannot communicate his needs. What to do in this situation?

It's best to say, "I see you like this doll. Come look for a second one for you "or" about ... would you like to play with this toy car? It can't be pulled out. Ask a friend if he'll let you play. "

The child collects all toys and says that he plays with everyone

Frequent behavior of a child is "putting" toys, according to the principle, I collect all of them, put them in one place so that they are mine. Of course, the child does not play with collected blocks, stuffed animals or dolls. This is physically impossible. At the same time, it prevents others from playing without leaving "free" toys. What to do in that case? It is worth helping your child make a choice by choosing one toy and enabling it to play, with the proviso that when he or she ends up playing with it, she will be able to reach for the next one.

Some advice on what to do if your child does not want to share

  • when a child falls into hysteria because he does not want to share, do not try to talk, explain the situation, do everything to help the child calm down, time will come for talks,
  • replace talking about sharing with talking about "playing for a change"
  • explain that a toy that a friend plays with will not lose its properties. This is not a wafer, which, if we share, loses it, but a toy that returns to us the same,
  • say that your friend will take care of the toy and give it back to you when it's finished,
  • enter the child's world, you can say "bear Bernard is sad now, sitting alone, you are playing with the queue. Maybe we'll hand the teddy bear to Kacpr for a while, play together, and later Misio will tell you everything and give you a kiss ",
  • try not to interfere in children's disputes, let them settle them as often as possible,
  • you have to intervene when one child is out of control, the conflict is exacerbated and there may be a fight when the conflicts are repeated.
  • show your child the idea of ​​sharing - share toy doll cakes together by organizing a picnic on a blanket in the room so that each lacquer gets its cake. Tell your child about a borrowed sewing machine from a friend, or about borrowing a book from the library, but giving it back later. Show what sharing is and how it makes life easier.
  • make learning to share easier - go with children to playgrounds in the sandpit (take one more blade with you so that it is easier to share), meet friends at home and in your home. Pre-school education is also helpful in learning to share.
  • but never force sharing. Give your child a choice. The toddler should be able to take care of his belongings, he should not be reliable.
  • older children tend to be "smart," they say, "give me this" bear "forever and I will like you." If you hear this or your daughter or son tells you, talk to your child about this situation and feel that this is not the best way to "buy friends".

We recommend the books "How to deal with tantrums in a child" Joni Levine, "Anger and aggression in children" T. B Brazelton