Time for mom

5 ways to effectively discourage a man from "helping" a child ... Anti-guidebook


As world-wide, mother women complain about their partner-fathers that they are not involved enough in childcare. They are frustrated that "everything" must be done by themselves, that daddy left alone with the child is a guarantee of great confusion and mess. Where is the problem? Is a man always guilty, or are we the women who often encourage their passivity by their careless, reckless behavior? Here is an entry from the 'self-reflection' category.

I better do it ...

The baby's mother knows everything best. He knows how to hug, how to wear, how to rock, when to change and when to play and feed. Not only that he has knowledge, he can still do it better, faster and more effectively. Also, when he engages with pride and sense of responsibility, takes action and notices that everything is not going right, instead of support, he receives a clear signal: "give me, I'll do it better ..." And then he hears the words spoken to the child: "Come to mommy, yes, and it's okay, right? Don't cry anymore, my love. " When the baby really calms down devoted to his mother, the man gets a clear signal - I am not fit, she can look after our child better.

How do women discourage men from getting involved? They do not give a chance for one or the other daredevil to develop their style of care for the offspring, which may be different from the "exemplary" behavior of the child's mother. Whenever a man tries, she steps in to do it. In this way he receives a chance to gain experience and satisfaction from a job well done.

He / she doesn't like that

The benefit of being with my mother and father is that each person gives the toddler himself, his ideas and behavior, shows temperament and different reactions. He teaches that the world is not only a warm embrace of mom, but also dad's strong hands. Striving for mum and dad to behave identically is vulnerable at the outset. It just can't be done, and it's not even beneficial to anyone - neither the parent nor the child.

Saying "don't do it because he doesn't like it" in the mouth of the mother seeing the child's dad's surprising behavior results from caring, saving time and sometimes fatigue and frustration. The problem is that it is usually difficult to assess what the child really likes if the toddler has not had the opportunity to meet, measure. In addition, the child may react differently to similar actions of mom and dad. Proposal? It's worth giving the other side a chance. Even if the little boy ransom the efforts of his own father, ... he will be fine.

Mom is the most important

There is a well-established belief that mother is more important. Mother Polish myth that is still doing well. Although years go by and many things change, women become independent, hit, and the view of daddy with a pram no longer shocks anyone, it is still women who are considered more important in the context of raising children. The father may be present or not, he can get involved or stand aside, as to mom we usually have no such doubts. Somehow, it is top-down that a woman is a more important parent. Of course, this is a simplification, which, however, exists in society and its effects are clearly visible at every step.

It is hard to get rid of the belief that as a mother you are not more important than your children's father. I had a problem with it myself and found myself thinking that "I know better", "that I am naturally better prepared", that everything depends on me. It was accompanied by such a nice feeling that I am number 1. I admit it, although I admit it is quite difficult to write about what many women feel, but what should not be said. And despite the fact that, as a mother, we believe that this belief in our superiority does not bother us, unfortunately we are wrong. We deceive ourselves and our surroundings, which is obvious in our actions. Showing an attitude, I am more important, I know better, you have to listen to me, I rule here, we can effectively discourage the partner from engaging and reduce his influence, and then complain that he does not know what diapers the child uses (why these) toddler eats for dinner, and then like in many jokes ... which class he goes to.

What can we do to make it better? Just understand that without a child's dad we would not become mothers of that child, that the father has the right and duty to care for his descendant. And if possible, he should be allowed to.

It has to be perfect or not at all

Another problem is feminine perfectionism and a lack of the ability to "let it go". As moms who are marginally attacked at every turn and scored continuously, we live under great pressure and try to meet expectations. Not always our own, but imposed on us from the outside - to be perfectly organized, well prepared, very well acquainted. We demand the same from partners who, however, rebel because they see the absurdity of all these recommendations. They see that it can't be done in the long run and bring more slack to everyday life. Unfortunately, they get "reprimands" and are often forced by a series of requirements to rise to the challenge.

The open question is: does it really have to be perfect? Is it impossible to let go from time to time? The world will not collapse, and ... everyone will live better.

I will ask my mother for help

Many people can look after children: grandparents, nanny, sister, neighbor. The help of all these people is invaluable, it cannot be ignored. The problem arises when, in theory, the toddler can take care of the toddler, and the child's mother does not turn to him, does not treat it as an "obvious obviousness" - that he should take the reins, but calls his mother and asks her to come. Why? Because she doesn't want to bother him, because she believes that her own mother will do better. Of course, there are other situations when the door closes behind the mother and the child's dad calls his mother ... but this is "another pair of wellies".

Again, it all comes down to a simple rule - give him a chance. Mother complaining about the fact that he is not getting involved, let daddy take care of the child alone, or in another room, and it's best to go out for a longer walk right away. Let your partner make mistakes, reach out with your toddler and see the joyful smile on your face when, after your return, your husband tells you which wonderful method of calming the baby he managed to work out in your absence. Good luck!