Small child

Mom! Dad! Don't scare me


Eat because you won't get anymore. If you don't want to go, I'll leave you here. I will leave the house in a moment and not come back. Be polite because I will give you ... Mother will get sick because of you. Don't cry because this gentleman will take you. Wash the teeth because they will fall out. If you are so naughty, Saint. Santa will not come to you. Stop shouting because I will call a policeman ... Have you ever turned to a child this way? Or have you ever heard similar words from your parents? Examples of scaring children in order to force them to obey can be mentioned without a dozen. The invention of some adults can be huge. However, are we really aware of what we are telling our child?

Scaring the best way to obey?

It is well known that raising a small person is not an easy matter. The child can be the beloved being in the world in a moment, just to turn into a hysterical, screaming person who we would most likely send a package abroad. And just in such moments, when our patience is once again put to the test, we want only one thing - that he will finally do what we ask for. Intimidation with something seems to be the perfect solution here. Fast and effective. Often, within a few moments we manage to get what the long minutes of conversation and translation did not give. This method is like a "verbal slate" - the child immediately becomes obedient. Just why Did they understand what we meant? No. He did it because he is afraid.

I believe you, mom!

Children's imagination knows no bounds. For a small person, every day creates countless opportunities to play. It will be fun not only for a colorful, playing toy, but also for an ordinary stick, pebbles, a bowl of water, a blanket or a pot lid. In the hands of a little urchin, everyday objects change into something unusual: a stick becomes a magic wand, a pot with a drum or a boat, and a blanket with a tent or a flying carpet. Children believe in fairy tales. For a few-year-old Piotr Pan, Baba Jaga or Snow White they are not characters from books but someone completely real, really existing. Children often cannot separate reality from the world of literary fiction. They believe what others say, which is why they become such a great recipient for advertisers. Children take our words for granted. As parents, we are an authority for them, trust us. So what will a small person think when he hears from his mother: "Go, because Baba Jaga will take you!" Believe it. Such words would not impress us. Everyone knows that this is just a joke, it is said, Baba Jaga does not exist. Not for us, but for a small child it is not so obvious. Especially when mom says so. Why would she lie?

The effects of scaring children

A scared child will do what we asked him to do. It would seem that we have achieved the goal, so what more could you want?

However, our winnings are apparent and this method will quickly cease to work. Why? First, a child who hears the same warning again will eventually notice that it is not real. She will realize that since her mother has recently said that and nothing has happened, her words can be ignored, without any consequences. Therefore, he will not listen to us for the second time.

He will stop believing us and he will lose his trust in us. Because if someone says yes and it's not, it means that ... is he lying? By threatening a child, we only challenge our authority and confuse his child's world of values. A world in which "the parent tells the truth," so pay attention to his words. In addition, the toddler, who was often scared of something, can start to be afraid of many things himself. He will become distrustful, fearful, introverted. He can also show aggression towards his surroundings ... Anger or negation of everything will become his defensive reaction to the fear he experiences. A common argument that comes from a parent's mouth to force a child to do something is: "Because mom / dad will be angry / angry". We don't scare our children to each other! Remember that based on what we do, but also what we say and how we say - the child builds an image of others. Research has repeatedly confirmed that toddlers' relationships with others are almost 100 percent a reflection of our relationships. So what will a child think who repeatedly hears the words: "Because dad will get angry?" Unfortunately, only so much that in that case dad should be afraid ...

Baby Yaga for books!

Let all witches, Baba Jags and wolves get back to the books. Let them awaken the children's imagination, entertain and teach, while remaining in the sphere of fairy tales. We should not use them to enforce obedience on our children. Let a policeman pursue criminals instead of taking children, let parents not abandon their children when they cry in the supermarket and let their dirty hands do not result in mother's illness. It is neither a good nor effective educational method.

Let's replace scaring with conversation. Let us show the child the benefits of good conduct, let us encourage, try to motivate us, let us know about our feelings.

Someone will say: it's easy to say ... Of course, it is simpler and, above all, faster to frighten than to explain: why?

We can't always achieve the goal right away. He will probably ignore us more than once. We will feel helpless. However, only this approach will pay off in the future. It gives a chance that the child will carry out our order, believing that it should be done, not because of fear of what might happen to him otherwise.