Time for mom

Sleeping three or maybe seven?


I don't like a biased approach to education: so good and so bad. I don't believe in golden prescriptions that can be used for every family. I have the impression that the advice appearing on some portals is in many cases very unreal and very often exclude other options from everyday life. Well, how do you leave your child alone behind the crib rungs? Like in jail? Do you act against nature? Shoo! So remember: a selfish mother, your child will have a hard time going through your silly decisions: it will be worse to develop, certainly in the future because of this it will not work out in his life ...

You teach a child falling asleep yourself? Even worse! I mean, you train and demand too much. It's best not to talk about it loudly.

Do you want to regain the bed and cuddle only to your husband without breathing a three-year-old on the back of his neck? Oh bad mother, bad ... You decided on a child! So you know what that means! I mean CIERP with a smile!

Sleeping in the first months of life

Many mothers find it more comfortable to sleep with a baby in the first months of life. If this arrangement suits them and their partner doesn't mind, why not? It is clear that intimacy can be celebrated outside the bedroom... Well, unless we are unlucky and the child does not fall asleep without his breast, and then he will wake up every few dozen minutes, looking for a "natural dragon". Of course, I exaggerate, it is known that this is rare.

Most perfect moms don't have this problem. They are able to successfully reconcile the needs of all family members. However, I am not writing about perfect mothers. I think about those that I meet every day and who are often embarrassed to say that they have enough that they do not like sleeping with the child, that when the baby was small, it was still ok, but when he turns and pushes, it gets uncomfortable .

All these moms share one, the same dilemma: they are afraid of what they feel. And they feel that it's time to mentally cut the umbilical cord. However, the same moms also learned earlier that when they decided on a child, they signed a contract in which it is the most important. And taking care of yourself is too often seen as egoism.

The problem worsens if the husband is not as delighted as the wife. He is silent because he loves especially when the child is small. But time is not in favor here. There comes a moment when he stops being silent, has the right to demand his own? Is he supposed to sleep glued to the wall or can he make it clear: why did I fold this cot, but maybe Hansel or Zosia will sleep at home?

What about daddy?

A loving man will do a lot for his woman. Often at the expense of your own happiness. After delivery, set aside on the side track, he must give the field to the baby not only during the day, but also at night. His place is marginalized in many respects ... somewhere at the end of the bed.

If it suits him: fine. But if not? If after a few months it becomes tiring? So can he say directly: that he wants to regain his wife and place in the bedroom?

Robin Skyner, a British psychiatrist, family therapist in the bestseller "Live in the family and survive" claims that the father in the first years of life acts as a bridge between the mother and the outside world.

After the first months of life, he should fight for a partner, thus giving the child the opportunity to grow up. A toddler must learn to share a mother. In this way, the child must renounce special rights and become part of the family team.

Thanks to this, harmony returns in the family. Parents become number one for themselves, gaining their own separate compartment, far from children.

The psychiatrist emphasizes that if this process does not go well, the toddler will never be able to mentally separate from his mother, becoming independent. If the father / other person in the family cannot convince the woman that the toddler is "big enough" to do this or that alone, the whole family will suffer.