Controversially

It's about equal treatment for children


Do you treat your children equally? So you climbed to the heights, you achieved Zen, a higher initiation in the art of parenthood.

Of course, I mock. What is equal treatment? Is it dividing the roll in half, with care that both children get exactly the same piece, with the accuracy of the crumb, or is it rather giving the whole roll to a hungry toddler and a kiss to the thirsty kisses?

Someone smarter than me said that equal treatment for children is giving as needed. It is impossible to raise every child in the same way. It is impossible. The trick is to read the needs of each toddler and satisfy them. And this is the most difficult. Because no child lives in a vacuum. His needs fight ours, "the needs of the world," or when a second child is born, the needs of siblings. And this is connected with many problems that I wanted to discuss today.

How do you love your children

The question of whether you love your children equally is out of place. You don't talk about it. No one who cares about his good name will say directly that one child is closer to him and the other ... well: it turned out to have a different temperament, show behaviors that are so difficult to accept, behave too often wrong, deviate from the dream "pattern ", Have qualities that we don't like about a partner (even worse when it is a former partner). When one child is close to "expectations" and the other "away from them", it is difficult at every second of life to hold on, or actually hold back, not to favor the former. A parent is also human. And although it is painful, it faces its own weaknesses. He is imperfect, tired, he is constantly working on himself to notice not what is visible at first glance, that it is easier to appreciate the so-called "polite", trouble-free child than the one that drives us ... to white fever.

Therefore, when I think about how I love my children, I answer (even in my thoughts): equally strongly. Not the same. I love each one differently. Every day I try to make my feelings independent of how many times I am proud, smiling, pleasantly encouraged by the behavior of one and how often I have a problem with what is far from ideal in the other. The more so because children go through different periods. One is "apply to the wound" so that it will change beyond recognition in a moment, and the other, which was previously "difficult" began to climb with a delightful smile on your knees. It is said that you do not love "something" but still. This is true, but life shows that it is more difficult to like a difficult child when you have a "good boy" at home.

Don't treat evenly

Can children be treated equally? Probably not, and according to many, we should not even strive for it. Our goal is to be more closely watching your loved ones and assessing who needs what at the moment.

And that it is not easy on a daily basis, because children have it to themselves that they do not like to wait, it is often necessary to make decisions: difficult decisions, which bitter taste probably knows every mother or father, spitting in his beard, that he can not split and that you have to choose forever: first come, who now ....

When you are alone with toddlers (and this is often the case in modern realities), you must decide whether to pick up the baby first, hug a few-year-old, carry a toddler, or play football with an older one. And it is very difficult to separate and reconcile these conflicting needs in order not to have the feeling that one of the children is hurting. If it were only possible to split, but nobody had this skill yet ... it is a pity that in the 21st century it is still impossible.

Who suffers from this system? I am afraid that everyone is a bit ... I personally feel sorry for the elderly, because they usually have to wait, give way, quietly and politely play.

I feel sorry for children who are calm, do not claim their own and lose what is important in everyday running at the expense of louder, more demanding siblings.

Theoretically they say: give according to needs. However, this is a simple tip. Because does a toddler trying to blend in with the background, "politely" playing in the corner, really have what he wants? Are his needs met? Did a calm child just play the role of a "hassle-free" child who just doesn't want to cause problems to parents tired of caring for a screaming newborn baby or a more "characteristic" child?

Accept

No one wants as much acceptance as children. Toddlers want to know that we love them like no one else in the world, that they will always be important to us, regardless of what they do.